I sat here for an hour, staring at the blank box with the blinking cursor. I plan all my blog posts about a month in advance, but inevitably there are gaps here and there in the calendar, and I always hope I’ll get an idea of something to write when that day arrives. Today I was not so lucky. I thought about doing an Instagram round-up for September, but when I looked, all my Instagrams were taken on the way to or from weddings, of sunsets on my terrace, or of my cats. And that pretty much sums up my life in the last month. And what my life will be for another month and a half. Shooting, editing, shooting, shooting, editing.
I started working on my 2013 planning this weekend. TWENTY THIRTEEN. Geez. It made me think about the future – I mean, not just the next-year-future, but the five-year-future and the ten-year-future. What will this business be like in five years? More of the same or totally unrecognizable? How long do I want to be an elopement photographer? What kind of photographer do I want to be in ten years? Will I still want to be a photographer at all when I’m forty? I don’t know, and it’s sort of scary to think about. I’m a planner and I thrive when I have a five or ten year plan I can be working on, but for the first time in a while, I just can’t decide what I want the next five years to look like.
I know what I want the next two years to look like: me traveling the world shooting elopements anywhere and everywhere I can. But after that I just don’t know. And I think that’s okay; I just need to learn to chill out and stop trying to plan my life in five or ten year chunks. I think I need to drop my five year plan and focus a little more on the now and see where things end up. Which is a lot easier said than done for someone like me who literally spent Friday night trying to plan what not just 2013 would look like, but 2014 and 2015 as well.
Maybe I should spend the rest of 2012 trying to dial down the crazy…
Here’s to embracing The Now, to stop trying to fit decades into boxes, and to being okay with not knowing where things will ultimately end up.