I started trying to write this post on Saturday while traveling home. It’s Monday morning, and I’m still at a loss. I will sit down and tell you about my week in depth, but I am not quite ready. I have a notebook full of scribbles about what I want to say, but I need more than words – I need wild, frantic hand gestures, and I need you to hear my voice and see the expressions on my face while I speak. I need you to understand something that may not actually be understandable. I need you to know that I’m a different person now. Really and truly, in every way possible.
I am a person that doesn’t believe in the word “can’t.” A person that doesn’t rush to judge. A person that thinks your crazy idea is amazing and will help you make it into a reality in whatever way I can. I am a better listener and hopefully a more compassionate friend. An artist who is accepting the voice that she has instead of trying to find a new one. I am working hard on being a forgiving person; realizing that we’re all just humans. A person that wants to speak with kindness and leave the past in the past (oh, that one is hard). Someone who is uninterested in cynicism and who thinks the first step to accomplishing anything is to put it out in the universe (well… I’ve always been that one). A person that is trying to breathe trough all her anxiety and fears – to recognize them and then let go. A person that no longer has room for negativity – from myself or others – in her brain.
I want to be accepting of who you are, while at the same time pushing you to reach those goals that are just sitting on the back burner. I choose to be in the present, living for today. Not putting things off to tomorrow, because guess what… you’re going to run out of tomorrows. I want to be honest and authentic and push myself to be more confident, less shy, more outgoing. I am a person that wants to have real conversations with people – not about what you watched on TV last night or what you had for dinner. I want to talk about your ideas and dreams and hopes and feelings and PASSIONS. I want to be more, more, more and I want that for you too.
I am alive. I am SO incredibly alive. I am here and now and breathing and so are you. And that is a miracle. But it’s easy to forget it’s a miracle. To get complacent and wrapped up in the mundane details of everyday life, to put off all those dreams for tomorrow because you “can’t.” Because you don’t have the money or time or ability or experience. I call bullshit on that.
Wake up. Look around. Start living. Start asking… What If.